DISCLAIMER: I have very limited knowledge regarding the BDSM community and if anyone would like to clarify information based on my review, please feel free to do so. This is purely a subjective review and is in no way an attempt to shame or humiliate anyone within the community.
I was hesitant to review this book, but I know I wanted to try and read something different than what I usually read and I think I chose the wrong book. Initially I was expecting a more cohesive, coming out/self discovery journey about the MC, Peter (or Petey) as he becomes comfortable with his sexuality and eventually discovering his interest within the BDSM community. At least it was marketed that way.
Instead, it was a 500+ pages of the same copy + paste scenarios while including kinks that centered around a really unhealthy dynamic between Peter and Matt. I don't want to call it a relationship because it felt more like a mentally abusive cohesion attempt with someone who is clearly vulnerable and new to the community. From my understanding, from listening to the On Guard Cigar Salon podcast , newly out men who were on the DL, on their own, or were genuinely interested in certain lifestyles would seek out experienced individuals to be taken under their wing. Which is great when trying to be involved in any community, but with that came this idea that just because someone is presenting a specific way, didn't really mean they had the experience to back it up. It sometimes led to unhealthy/unsafe situations.
Peter is constantly bullied and harassed to the point of hospitalization where Matt, his savior comes in, and suddenly is this idealistic figure in Peter's life. A romanticized knight in shining armor that he feels unworthy and inferior to which then leads to him starting to question these feelings. At first I thought was a somewhat ok-ish attempt to have Peter reflect on and discover more while educating himself, but instead it was handled in a way that left me uncomfortable. Matt soon becomes a prominent figure in Peter's life, they hang out more, a 'friendship' starts, however by the first kink scene, we just jumped right into it. Diving head first into a rushed and shallow explanation of how some people are naturally Dominants and others are just submissive.
The communication aspect to this 'relationship' was never truly and vulnerably discussed or consented on in a way that I believe properly represents the BDSM community. Times change and ideas/beliefs come and go, I believe it was referred to as Old Guard in my research, which I'm not sure how many people still follow those ideals/lifestyle in 2024. The story progressed into vignette style formula where we have the Peter (the sub) expressing/battling/suffering with this attachment towards Matt (the dom), Peter either breaks a rule or upsets Matt, leading into Matt aggressively displaying some dramatic expression of "masculinity" to control the scene, either a very short verbal discussion which then leads into sex/scene play (or vice versa) only to then repeat.
There never felt like a healthy conclusion towards the feelings surrounding their 'relationship'. Matt continued to do whatever he wanted (including cheat on Peter without having discussed any sort of open relationship style), buy/dress up/dictate Peter's life taking away any and all agency because some people are just born to be submissive and therefore need to accept it? I've heard that some do enjoy this total power exchange, where they willingly choose to commit themselves to someone in this way and its all properly communicated, consensual and with the idea that the dynamics may or may not change because safety and/or just people's genuine comfort in wanting to participate in to such a degree. We get none of that from this story.
There are bits where it sounds like it could be leading up to a really important discussion like about jealousy and open relationships, but they never get explored. The story focused moreso on the cliche trope of possession with kinky sex. That would be fine, I don't have a problem with smut or erotica, expect with everything happening, it was really hard to 'enjoy the fantasy'. Overall this felt more like a cautionary tale rather than an introduction to BDSM and other kinks. It felt very outdated with misinformation and just not a great way to progressively show readers aspects of pleasure.
Submitted by Sketches
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